If you’re separated from your children’s parent, then you’ve probably experienced some awkward moments: Learning how to co-parent and communicate are no easy feat, especially among two adults who may have resentful feelings towards one another. 

But sometimes, the children begin to replicate ill feelings towards one parent, even if they’ve had an otherwise good relationship. In this blog post, we’ll dive into why children take sides against a parent — and what you can do to remedy it.

Why Do Children Take Sides Against a Parent?

There are a few reasons why children might suddenly take sides against a parent: 

• There’s an apparent conflict between the parents. Children may choose one parent over the other to cope with the conflicting situation. They may also choose to side with the parent that is less predictable in behavior: For example, they might side with the parent who frequently gets upset when someone disagrees with them just to help keep the peace.
• There are ongoing legal and/or custody battles. During custody battles, a parent may use the child as a tool to gain an advantage in the legal proceedings, leading the child to choose one parent over the other. The child may also default to the parent with primary custody. 
• One parent is influencing the children. One parent may influence the child by speaking negatively about the other parent or making the child feel guilty for not choosing their side. A parent with mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, or personality disorders, may alienate the child from the other parent to cope with their difficulties.

When a parent influences their children to think or feel a certain way about the other parent, this may be a type of parental alienation — even if it’s done subconsciously. Unfortunately, parental alienation is highly mentally and emotionally damaging to everyone involved. 

Consequences of Parental Alienation

Parental alienation is an emotional and mental manipulation performed by a trusted person on a child who may not know any better. 

Children tend to have rose-colored glasses when it comes to their parents, so it’s easy for them to fall into this type of manipulation. In fact, some argue that this is a type of child abuse. 

Studies show that the consequences of parental alienation are monumental. Children who experienced parental alienation during their childhoods may experience these factors as adults: 

• Mental health problems like anxiety, depression, and PTSD
• Emotional pain, like insecurity and lack of decision-making
• Addiction and substance use, and abuse
• Coping and resilience 

As you can see, three out of four of the expected outcomes of parental alienation are damaging to a person’s mental well-being — which is why this syndrome is critical to identify and reverse as quickly as possible. 

How to Address Parental Alienation

If you suspect you and your child are victims of parental alienation, there are steps you can take. 

For starters, speak to an experienced family therapist who can identify and heal the relationship between you and your child. You could also speak with your child and encourage open communication and honesty to promote safety. If you’re on decent terms with the other parent, express your concerns and try to work towards a shared goal of healthy parenting.

However, if the alienation feels beyond repair or it’s challenging to work with your ex-spouse, you might need to bring in experts from the court of law. Family law attorneys can help enforce parenting plans, create your case for a judge, and document everything that happens between you, your child, and the other parent.

Hickey & Hull Law Partners Can Help Your Family

With decades of expert experience in family law, Hickey & Hull Law Partners are not strangers to the phenomenon that is parental alienation. Our goal is to represent you and protect your family, so if you want to learn more about how we can help, fill out our online form. You can also call us anytime: Our River Valley office number is 479.434.2414, and our Northwest Arkansas number is 479.802.6560.