Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and the topic of love is everywhere. Love after divorce is a tough issue because of the baggage associated with a failed marriage. Most people need some kind of relationship that can help them test the waters and grow out of the loss from a divorce. They need a transition partner.
Actually, most articles refer to this person as a “transition lover,” but I like this term better. Transition partners: These incredibly important relationships are not as transitory or shallow as a rebound; the people who come into your life as a transition partner are not your forever partner, but they are integral to moving forward in all areas of your life. A transition partner somehow nurtures you, excites you, pushes you, and breathes new life into you.
A divorce can leave you a husk of the person you once were. You doubt your every decision. You can feel lost and like a complete failure. The support of friends and the confidence gained from your strengths cannot offer you the healing you need because it was not through those things that you were wounded. A relationship can heal another relationship: Enter the transition partner.
You will fall in love with this person. It has to happen; however, in most cases the relationship grows out of itself. But it has to grow in this way. This partner believes in you. They offer you a new expression of your likes, your passions, your sexuality (incredibly important after a divorce), and they connect your past self with your future self. The issue is that after you have both grown and explored, loved and laughed, you will not be able to sustain the connection romantically. It does not have to end badly, nor do you always lose touch. The relationship ran its amazing course. Now, it’s time for you to move forward. You will do so with energy and with the knowing that you totally leveled up.
When you meet them, cherish them, open up to them, let go of your hurt and embrace the future self they show you. Moving past the loss of a marriage hurts. Sometimes the difficulty of facing our pain causes us to run in any direction other than towards what is needed. A transition partner will challenge you to admit your fear and pain. Although you aren’t the emotionally intimate partners you were, the relationship will remain special because of what it meant in your life after such loss.
Life offers plenty of devastating moments, but it also offers happiness and new opportunities. Our next blog will explore dating after divorce: pitfalls and positives. We understand all that the divorce process entails. We’re here to help. Contact us at Kevin Hickey Law Partners.