Believing in True Love Again
Love. It’s a term thrown around loosely in our society. English is pretty rotten at conveying the depth and sacrifice that true love possesses by only giving it one word. Many other languages can better define love. Let’s call it true love. I felt the need to qualify the kind of love I mean by placing “true” before it--needed it to have authenticity. How can we, after those dreams and plans have fallen, feel love after divorce? How can we open up our tender hearts and set aside the cynicism creeping in and feel that youthful love once again? It’s worth it. Here’s why:
- Reclamation- What this means is that through loving, you gain something of yourself back. When in pain, we close down and close off, but if we are open to loving someone, we open all facets of ourselves and can reclaim areas once closed off during a bad marriage, and especially during divorce.
- Power- Absolute power! Not really. We cannot deny, however, that having power over our emotions, our boundaries, is important. Plus, the way love makes us feel is powerful, intoxicating. It can lead us to go on adventures, take plunges, change our circumstances, and give us true power in the most healthy way--loving ourselves more completely.
- Growth- I’ve been describing growth this entire time. Any of these lead to growth in our personal lives--even if the new love doesn’t work out. Learning to love after loss is growth.
- Treasure-Yes. What I mean by this is that we learn to treasure, to cherish. Love after divorce is deeper and more meaningful in that we now have the capacity to understand the loss of love and relationship and once we experience this again, we have a greater capacity to love and honor and protect what we never want to lose again. We treasure our partner because we find that a person is truly invaluable.
With all the uncertainty during the pandemic, don’t give up on finding true love. Sure, it may be more challenging since social distancing and slowing the spread of the virus means seeing people less, but that doesn’t mean the opportunity is not out there for you. In fact, this is an opportunity to fall in love slowly and authentically since the usual conveniences are gone. Write letters, send emails, chat via video, have Zoom dates. Be open to real love again. Don’t force yourself to commit, but don’t shrink from love once you find it again. Be open to the adventure. Some people need more time to heal. Some people let go of their marriage before it was over. Whatever the circumstance, you can find love after divorce--even during a pandemic.