Divorce is emotionally draining, especially during the holidays and special occasions. Divorced parents must communicate with even more diplomacy, patience, mutual understanding, respect, and tolerance than married couples planning holiday travel, dinners, reunions and gift-giving. Juggling schedules during marriage is hard, and it only gets harder after divorce.

Here are 10 tips for making sure everyone enjoys special occasions:

1. Plan Ahead

Develop a parenting schedule before the holidays.

Avoid scheduling the children for dinner with Dad at noon and a second turkey dinner a few hours later with Mom. Instead, arrange for Dad to spend the entire day with the children in all odd-numbered years, and have Mom spend the holiday with them in all even-numbered years.

If possible, hire a parenting coordinator, usually a child psychologist or divorce lawyer appointed by the court to act as a decision-maker until a judge makes a different decision. You have quicker access to the coordinator than the judge, but the coordinator must be paid.

2. Keep Your Word

Stick to the schedule. Arrive on time and drop off the children on time.

3. Keep in Touch

If the children are not with you for the holidays, call them, and be sure to send cards or email. Consider celebrating the holiday or birthday before or after the actual day. Children love parties and gifts any time - nothing fancy - but something special you create just for them.

4. Let the Children Keep in Touch

If the children spend the holiday with you, let them speak with the other parent. Give the children any cards and email from the other parent, and read the messages to young children who cannot read. If the children are too young to call, help them make or receive a call, and let them have a quiet moment to speak with the other parent. Make sure to avoid planning an exciting activity like gift-opening at the same time that the children are scheduled to speak with their Mom or Dad.

Remember, children usually have a short attention span, so do not blame the other parent if conversations are short.

5. Safe Travel

Make travel arrangements with airlines for long-distance travel. Airlines provide supervision for unaccompanied minors for a nominal fee.

6. The Art of Gift-Giving

Coordinate gift-giving with the other parent. Do not give your child a cell phone if you know Mom is giving her a phone. If your ex-spouse will not cooperate, go ahead with your own plans, but do not complain to the children about the other parent.

7. Acknowledge the Child’s Right to Enjoyment

Let your child take gifts to your ex-spouse’s home. Conversely, if your child brings home a new toy or bicycle, let your child take it back to her Dad’s home, if she wants.

8. To Each His Own

Let the children spend Mother’s Day with Mom and Father’s Day with Dad.

9. Create Your Own Celebrations

Do not insist upon attending your child’s birthday or graduation party if your ex-spouse is throwing the party. Give your own party on another day.

10. Give Your Child Permission to Love Both Parents

Help your child buy or make a gift and card for the other parent, if the child is too young to handle the tasks herself. You are doing your child a favor, not your ex-spouse, because you are giving your child permission to love the other parent - the best gift you can give.

Credit: Sharyn T. Sooho, private practice attorney in Newton, Massachusetts (http://www.sooho.com/)

DHS is often involved when a parent’s rights are involuntarily terminated. DHS will usually get involved in a case when the parents have either neglected the children or presented a dangerous situation to the children’s environment (drugs, domestic abuse, crime, etc.).

DHS will create a case plan based on the problems that the parents are having. If drugs are involved then DHS may order regular drug screens and some type of rehab or counseling. If domestic abuse is involved then anger management and/or counseling may be ordered. Regular follow-ups are made with the parents to ensure that they are complying with the case plan. If the parents are not complying with the case plan then the chances increase that their parental rights will be terminated.

The following case gives a good recitation of the law in Arkansas and an example of a situation that can result in a termination of rights.

Here’s the link…
http://courts.arkansas.gov/court_opinions/coa/2009b/20090923/ca09-310.pdf

A.C.A. 9-13-103 contains the law in Arkansas on the issue of a grandparent’s rights to visitation with a grandchild. It is set out in its entirety below. Also, there is a link to a September 9, 2009 case decided by the Arkansas Court of Appeals that provides a good discussion of the statute.
Note: Laws constantly change. You should consult an attorney for up to date information about changes in the law and how certain statutes have been interpreted by the courts.

A.C.A. 9-13-103
(a) For purposes of this section:

(1) “Child” means a minor under eighteen (18) years of age of whom the custodian has control and who is:

(A) The grandchild of the petitioner; or

(B) The great-grandchild of the petitioner;

(2) “Counseling” means individual counseling, group counseling, or other intervention method;

(3) “Custodian” means the custodial parent of the child with the authority to grant or deny grandparental visitation;

(4) “Mediation service” means any formal or informal mediation; and

(5) “Petitioner” means any individual who may petition for visitation rights under this section.

(b) A grandparent or great-grandparent may petition a circuit court of this state for reasonable visitation rights with respect to his or her grandchild or grandchildren or great-grandchild or great-grandchildren under this section if:

(1) The marital relationship between the parents of the child has been severed by death, divorce, or legal separation;

(2) The child is illegitimate and the petitioner is a maternal grandparent of the illegitimate child; or

(3) The child is illegitimate, the petitioner is a paternal grandparent of the illegitimate child, and paternity has been established by a court of competent jurisdiction.

(c)(1) There is a rebuttable presumption that a custodian’s decision denying or limiting visitation to the petitioner is in the best interest of the child.

(2) To rebut the presumption, the petitioner must prove by a preponderance of the evidence the following:

(A) The petitioner has established a significant and viable relationship with the child for whom he or she is requesting visitation; and

(B) Visitation with the petitioner is in the best interest of the child.

(d) To establish a significant and viable relationship with the child, the petitioner must prove by a preponderance of the evidence the following:

(1)(A) The child resided with the petitioner for at least six (6) consecutive months with or without the current custodian present;

(B) The petitioner was the caregiver to the child on a regular basis for at least six (6) consecutive months; or

(C) The petitioner had frequent or regular contact with the child for at least twelve (12) consecutive months; or

(2) Any other facts that establish that the loss of the relationship between the petitioner and the child is likely to harm the child.

(e) To establish that visitation with the petitioner is in the best interest of the child, the petitioner must prove by a preponderance of the evidence the following:

(1) The petitioner has the capacity to give the child love, affection, and guidance;

(2) The loss of the relationship between the petitioner and the child is likely to harm the child; and

(3) The petitioner is willing to cooperate with the custodian if visitation with the child is allowed.

(f)(1) An order granting or denying visitation rights to grandparents and great-grandparents shall be in writing and shall state any and all factors considered by the court in its decision to grant or deny visitation under this section.

(2)(A) If the court grants visitation to the petitioner or petitioners, the visits may occur without regard to which parent has physical custody of the child.

(B) Visits with a paternal grandparent or great-grandparent may occur even when the child is in the custody of the mother, and visits with a maternal grandparent or great-grandparent may occur even when the child is in the custody of the father.

(3)(A) If the court grants visitation to the petitioner under this section, then the visitation shall be exercised in a manner consistent with all orders regarding custody of or visitation with the child unless the court makes a specific finding otherwise.

(B) If the court finds that the petitioner’s visitation should be restricted or limited in any way, then the court shall include the restrictions or limitations in the order granting visitation.

(4) An order granting or denying visitation rights under this section is a final order for purposes of appeal.

(5) After an order granting or denying visitation has been entered under this section, the custodian or petitioner may petition the court for the following:

(A) Contempt proceedings if one (1) party to the order fails to comply with the order;

(B) To address the issue of visitation based on a change in circumstances; or

(C) To address the need to add or modify restrictions or limitations to visitation previously awarded under this section.

(g)(1) A court may order mediation services to resolve a visitation issue under this section if:

(A) Mediation services are available;

(B) Both parties agree to participate in mediation services; and

(C) One (1) or both of the parties agree to pay for mediation services.

(2) Records, notes, reports, or discussions related to the mediation service shall not be used by the court to determine visitation under this section.

(h)(1) A court may order counseling to address underlying matters surrounding the visitation issue under this section if:

(A) Counseling is available;

(B) Both parties agree to participate in counseling; and

(C) One (1) or both of the parties agree to pay for counseling.

(2) Records, notes, reports, or discussions related to the counseling shall not be used by the court to determine visitation under this section.

………………….

Here’s a link to the case mentioned earlier, Painter v. Kerr…
http://courts.arkansas.gov/court_opinions/coa/2009b/20090909/ca08-656.pdf

This case just decided by the Arkansas Court of Appeals provides a good discussion of several divorce issues. Alimony is discussed as well as what it means to “equitably” divide the parties’ debts and property. Although there is a presumption that equal division of property is proper, the presumption may be overcome in certain cases. Additionally, there is NOT a presumption of equal division of marital debt in Arkansas. Instead, the court is to consider the division of debt in the context of the distribution of all of the parties’ property.

Here’s the link to Rudder v. Hurst, decided September 9, 2009…
http://courts.arkansas.gov/court_opinions/coa/2009b/20090909/ca08-486.pdf